Am I alone when I look around at the men of today and ask, almost out loud, “God, was this really the best you could do?”
And can you blame me? When men spend hours of their days—sometimes the vast majority of their waking hours—playing video games, yelling at their preferred sports team, or describing their latest conquests in the bedroom, it just seems as if it’s an odd thing to pair these brutes up with the ladies of society. Speaking as a woman, spending my adult life taking care of an overgrown man-child who doesn’t want to do anything but play video games does not sound ideal. If I marry, I want to make memories, (dare I say?) outside of the bedroom. Let’s go rock climbing. Lets go to a theme park and ride every roller coaster on the front row. Let’s sit in a Barnes and Noble and hold hands and catch up on homework. Let’s do things we can brag about and make our friends jealous.
But is this what men nowadays want to do? You guessed it. Unless you’re lucky enough to find a man who is truly Prince Charming himself, if you suggest this to a man of today, he’d look at you and say, “But I do that with my friends.”
Which tells you that you mean exactly one thing to him.
And if I were you, I’d walk away.
What happened to the Cary Grant’s of society? What happened to charm and poise? When did these characteristics become replaced by vulgarity and an obsession for blowing things up on the TV?
It just doesn’t seem to make sense. Why, when women are the definition of beauty and kindness and elegance, are they paired off with men?
And I have a theory that the more society figures out the psychology behind why men are the way they are, the more we are giving them an excuse to continue behaving in this manner.
For instance, being a girl, I talk a lot. I talk fast. But I’m also silent. I listen. At times I’m almost stoic. So when I’m hanging out with one of my guy friends and the conversation slows, I naturally expect him to say something to me. Of course, he doesn’t.
“You aren’t saying much,” I’ll say, after an awful 20-minute silence.
When they don’t shrug nonchalantly, I kid you not this is the response I get:
“Well, studies have proven that women talk more than men.”
Really? I’m sorry men, but you have to have people conduct polls and invent excuses for the way you act? Excuses that aren’t even scientifically backed up, may I add. In a recent experiment conducted by researchers and authors Matthias R. Mehl, Simine Vazire, Nairán Ramírez-Esparza, Richard B. Slatcher, and James W. Pennebaker, and published in Science Magazine here, the article debunks dozens of studies and books, including Dr. Luan Brizendine, coddling men with excuses to be silent. But the experiment and article shows that women and men talk the same amount. No more, no less, with varying degrees of talking, as some men aren’t very talkative, and some women aren’t very talkative.
This is just one example. I’ve also heard excuses for why men enjoy doing nothing but sitting with a video game all day, why they look at those pictures on the Internet, why they choose to discuss the things they do. And I believe these can all be unraveled as Old Wives Tales and myths, which are simply trying to give men a reason to be lazy.
And I’m saying it’s time to stop making excuses. I refuse to live in a world, a man’s world, led by brutes.
I don’t hate men, and I’m not trying to get them in trouble. But why should I lower my standards for the men of today? Why can’t I expect them to care about something besides last night’s game? Why can’t I expect them to have friendships with each other that don’t involve a mental dissection of women or their best kill streak? Why can’t I expect them to talk of creating things—music, art, industries—things that will benefit the world?
Maybe it’s a matter of maturity, and I’ll admit not all men are like this. Men like my father and brother and some of my closest guy friends live up to the potential of what a real man could and should be. But I also see too many men who accept excuses and refuse to amount to anything more than what society tells them it’s OK to be. And I’m rooting for you, men. I want you to prove me wrong.